And get this….Frank sucks at Facebook, yet he is a Facebook Rockstar. And why shouldn’t he be? He’s an everything rockstar. He’s not even showing up for the party, yet he’s theguest of honor here…
If it were possible, I’d change the name of the blog to Life With Frank….(which, essentially is the exact same thing as The Latest Observation of the Decline of My Sanity…) but I can’t because fan pages work differently from regular pages on here. You can change your name every day, but fan page names are set in stone, so if you write a blog, you better like the name, it better be spelled correctly and God knows it needs to be grammatically correct, which I’m not sure mine is, but it’s too late now.
I’d like to tell you a little something about yourselves: This page is international. Frank has fans in Mexico, The Netherlands, Germany and England. There are five different languages spoken by Frank’s fans and one of them is Pirate English. (Whoever speaks Pirate English, please, please leave me a comment sometime…)
I know the top five cities for Frank’s fans and Tallahassee, sadly, ranks second. My friend, Jeanie, in Panama City is at the helm of the Frank ship much more often than I am and between her and Pam and Cindy, I don’t have to do much to promote him.
Out of 438 of you as of today, only about 80 are Facebook friends of Paige Flynn and what’s funny is that I like this page as much as my regular one. I live for the comments, and am holding my breath waiting on a “you suck…” but am thrilled when people write me who don’t know me and if you want to, please send me a friend request on my regular account. Several of you already have and I love it. It’s shocking to see me listed as a Public Figure, when in reality I am one of the shyest people you’d ever meet.
Unlike stupid pages like “I hate it when my van runs out of gas…” or “My dog didn’t really eat my homework, I just said it….” or “I hate it when people ignore me…” unlike these, I feel like I have to work to keep you here and work to get more of you on here, so let me get to “work” (non-profit, of course…) and give you the latest observation of the decline of my sanity…
Or let me tell you about the weekend…..
Details of Life With Frank…
Because that’s really what you want to hear, right?
Thank you for being "fans," for suggesting this page and for hitting the "Share" button, it means the world to me...now on with the post:
~~~~~
Okay, last week I told you that Frank and I were locked in negotiation over an event Friday night that I didn’t want to attend. I blogged it and if you haven’t read that one, read it if you get the time, it’s called 25/75 Lie to Truth Ratio or Marital Warfare. It’s one of my favorite posts so far. He won the negotiation, but gave me a shopping pass for a new outfit as a consolation prize. So….
I went to Talbot’s. I love their new spring colors, I love the music they play in there.
I bought a new outfit, perfect for a March night out at an outdoor wine festival.
Ladies, you know when you put on the new outfit and show it to your husband and he getsthat look? You know the look…the, I hate it but I better come up with something good to say right this minute and at the same time I hope she didn’t spend much on it or possibly, I hope the tags are still attached….have you ever seen those looks on your husband’s face?
Frank had that look. Frank had all of those looks. Simultaneously.
This outfit was not flattering on me.
This outfit’s tags were in the trash can.
This outfit wasn't cheap.
It was an epic fail as my son would say.
The wine festival started at 7:00, was over at 10:00 and in true Flynn fashion, we were still at home at 7:45.
I am now standing in my closet, nearly naked, outfit at my feet, shoes thrown across the room, I am pitching a world class temper tantrum.
Clothes are flying off the hangers in a frenzy as I try to come up with something else on very short notice. I had nothing to wear.
Nothing to wear.
I know you don’t believe me, but please do, I have nothing to wear because I’ve gained about twenty pounds entertaining you on Facebook. Nothing fits. But....when a woman says she hasnothing to wear it means she has nothing to wear. Period. So don't be looking in the closet pointing out all those things we have to wear, because we can't see them.
I want to cry, but time constraints limit the amount of things I can re-do, wardrobe being the only luxury I cannot afford right now. Makeup’s not an option.
Frank is looking at his watch…A glance at his watch is the only thing he can do to imply there’s atime issue…he knows that if he says something out loud, that I will attack him like a starving and pissed off velociraptor and take his head off. He’s made his point…yet his head is stillnicely attached to his body. Well done. (Of course, he knows this because of all the events he’s attended in the past….headless…)
The only thing he can do in this situation is fetch me a glass of wine, have a seat and be prepared to lie and say it makes me look skinny and he better be bringing his A-Game to the closet tonight because it's gonna be a bad one. He comes back in with a LARGE glass of wine and has a seat and after a tornadic wardrobe experience that left our closet in a shambles, my hair a mess and the rest of me slightly sweaty, I decided on an outfit and he got me in the car.
As soon as we arrive, I am greeted by his people. They’ve been waiting on him, he’s on the board of directors for this event…
A very nice woman approached me and introduced herself. She proceeds to say the following inconceivable and horrendous remark:
“Do you know how wonderful this man is?” (A reference to Frank…)
All I can think here is that…”If you bottled that shit we could call it Wife Repellant.” but what I actually say is…
“Please don’t say that within earshot of him. He doesn’t need to hear things like that.” I have the demeanor of a mother whose kid was just privy to the “F” word.
She’s a little surprised by my response, so I save myself from being The Bitch Of The Night by saying….”Of course I do, he is amazing.”
(Yes, it was painful…I took a giant gulp of wine…a faux pas at a wine event for sure, but I found myself in an emergency and they do not offer it intravenously.)
“Thank you so much for lending him to our event, he is so important to us, we couldn’t have it without him…”
I’m getting the impression here that time he has spent on this committee has not been work for him. Instead of being at home, helping with dinner, taking the trash out, helping with homework, combing tangles from his spawn’s three foot long hair….as his spawn screams….he’s been here, being told how wonderful he is. Where is the justice in that? Where? Where?
“He is an interesting character. I know this because I’ve made him a character. I write a blog.” For once, just once can we talk about me?????
“Oh, how wonderful.” she says. No, we can't talk about me...
“Yeah, he has lots of fans.”
“I can see why.” (No she can’t. She has no idea….)
“He’s rich in material.” I say and that’s the absolute truth…
“Well, we think he’s just fabulous….” Okay. I have now not just been sprayed with Wife Repellant, I’m pretty sure I just took a hit to the face with it. I’m outta here…
I’m kidding. I love to hear how great he is…
Really…
Truthfully, I agree with her, he is fabulous, she’s right. He worked his behind off on the wine festival but this blog wouldn’t be funny if I told you how fabulous he is. You don’t want to hear it and frankly, I just don’t want to say it. But I appreciate her saying it…
So thanks for saying it…and I’ll probably lend his wonderfulness to you again next year…there’s plenty to go around….
But mostly I say thank you to my fabulous, wonderful and amazing husband who is funny in a good way and has a fabulous, wonderful and amazing sense of humor, so he lets me make fun of him.
Isn’t he just fabulous?
Wonderful?
Amazing?
Where’s the wine…
For more of Frank’s amazingness, please join my blog page at this link:
http://www.facebook.com/pa
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